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I remember when I went to my first 12-Step meeting at the Trust Clinic in Washington, DC. The first person I saw that I knew was Frankie, my hit doctor. For months, I looked for Frankie but He was missing-in-action. As my hit-doctor, I normally paid Frankie $5.00 or a portion of my heroin to find a vein in my neck willing to receive the contents of my hypodermic syringe. Nobody could “hit” me like Frankie. He was gifted--and missing no more.
On a side row of chairs with the sunlight streaming through the open blinds, there appeared to be a halo framing Frankie's tall, lean body. He smiled and seemed to take no thought of his missing front teeth as he chatted with the young woman beside him. His legs were crossed as he confidently sported feet clad in opened-stringed, dull-but-shined black combat boots.
“Frankie! Hey Frankie, where you been? I’ve been looking for you!”
“Hey girl, I been right here. Coming to these meetings. I’m clean now.”
“What? Clean! Frankie, you not shooting dope no more?”
“No, Stacey. I been clean for 9 months.”
“9 months, Frankie! 9 whole months!!!!”
“Yeah, girl! Glad to see you here, have a seat. You’re gonna be alright. ”
Bewildered, I sought further explanation. “Wait a minute, Frankie, you ain’t using nothing? No reefer? No liquor? No beer? Nothing, Frankie?”
“Nothing, Stacey. For real! Welcome to the program. We've been waiting for you.”
“We?”
I was interrupted by a heavy-set woman in the chair in the front of the room, “Hello Family, My name is Della and I'm an addict. Welcome to the noon meeting of…”
I glanced back at Frankie. He smiled and in a low voice said, “Just keep coming back, Stacey. It does get better.”
I scanned the room filled with of people of various races and ages. I settled into my end chair about 3 rows from the back of the room. As I looked across the room at the serene-version of Frankie, my ex-hit doctor, a peace flooded my soul. I sensed that my steps were indeed ordered by the Lord and that if He could change Frankie’s life, surely He could change mine.”
So began my journey in the 12-step program. My one-day clean has become 20 years of one-day-at-a-times and counting. For me and for Frankie.
Father God: When I'm experiencing doubts of any and every kind. Doubts about the plans and purposes that you have for my life and I wonder how can I get there from here--wherever the here is at the time I'm there. When I feel like I'm not as far up the road of my life and in my relationship with You as I think I should be, help me remember when... And upon remembering, may I fall to my knees and say, "Thank you, Father. Thank you for what you given, thank you for what you've taken away, thank you for the struggle for it has been in the struggle that I found my One true love. The lover of my soul--YOU!" Amen. So be it.
© 2005 Stanice Anderson, www.stanice.com
Photos May 1986: Friends help me celebrate my first year clean and free! L-R: Tina, Dorine, me, Francesca, Barbara. Dorine & Francesca are in stories in my book, I Say A Prayer For Me: One Woman's Life of Faith and Triumph.
